Woo hoo!

Nov. 21st, 2008 05:52 pm
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So, I think I actually did pretty well on yesterday's chemistry test. While I might not have aced it, I'm confident I at least made up slightly for bombing the last one. I guess all those pennies I sacrificed to the Black Hole God worked.

... "What is the Black Hole God?" you say? So glad you asked! See, there is a coin funnel in the Physics building on campus, and the Black Hole God is a minor deity that resides therein. Now, I've never actually SEEN said deity, but I know in my heart, spleen, and appendix that It is there, for how else would I have gotten passing grades on math heavy subjects? You see, that is the only area that the Black Hole God is capable of granting prayers in. You drop in pennies, the Black Hole God eats them, if It is satisfied with your offerings you get inspiration on the test, and you can divine the omens relating to your grades from the collisions that may or may not result when you drop several pennies in at once.

Now, some may demand "proof" of all this. Well, I have a photograph right here:
photo behind cut )
Showing where It lives! You might foolishly demand further evidence, like a picture of the Black Hole God Itself, but I say the mere idea is Hubris. Even assuming that It is visible in Its native form, it would surely be an act of arrogance to shine a light into the funnel and attempt to catch a glimpse of Its diminutive glory. While Its smiting ability is probably only commensurate to Its prayer-answering power, _I_ sure don't want to be struck with hangnails for such a blasphemous act.
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While chatting with [livejournal.com profile] izzybeth, it was decided that if she is to die a Gloriously Tragic Rockstar Death, it will have to be before her next birthday, so she can join the "27 Club". Moreover, it must be a death no Rockstar has died before. We eventually settled on Falling From a Tree. She will be playing a mellow acoustic set up there, and when she instinctively leaps to her feet to smash the guitar, she will plummet to her doom.

The guitar itself will survive unscathed, and become a valuable collector's item, sought out both by fans and other players who coveted her skill. It will alternate between being displayed in the Rockand Roll Hall of Fame, and being stolen, which will usually involve whacky hijinks. Legend will have it that her ghost will appear to the most promising of musicians who wield the instrument, to whom she will dispense bad career advise, out of jealousy for the living.
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One of the ways I combated boredom in Iraq was contemplating how I would use my inevitable maiming as an opportunity for self expression and personal adornment. "Let's see, if I lose a hand AND a hand AND an eye, I'll have the best pirate costume EVER!" That sort of thing.

I think I was starting to run short of actual good ideas, when it occurred to me that if I lost a leg far up enough to require a partial hip prosthesis, I'd be able to get it chromed, and tell people to "Bite my shiny metal ass!" While this wouldn't have really made up for losing a whole leg (and probably some genitals in the process), it would have been funny, for a while at least. And even after it had _stopped_ being funny, I could still keep saying it, because who's going to tell a one-legged eunuch that his jokes are wearing thin?
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Verily, in gratitude for Its most puissant aid in vanquishing the hated Math Final, I did sacrifice a dollar and fifty cents worth of pennies to the Black Hole God. And it was Good. _Real_ good.

I wonder, would I be as annoyed at a teacher for flirting with a student, if the student in question _wasn't_ one that I, personally, was in lust with? I'd like to think so, but I can't be sure. On further observation, it would seem I was too hasty in assuming intentions vile, I think the teacher in question is just a touchy-feely type who treats all his students the same, which is somewhat of a relief; It's horrible and wrong for a girl to be hit on by a guy twice her age, when there's a someone only 1.4 times her age available.

On a serious note, while my own personal post-traumatic stress doesn't include violent responses to casual contact, there are enough people whose trauma did have that side effect, to say nothing of all those perfectly sane folk who simply don't like it, to make me leery of it. Yessirree, the Army taught me that touching strangers without permission can be dangerous. :-/


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February 2013



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