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Light off some fireworks, drink some beer, and wipe your... feet on a confederate flag, it's time to celebrate the birthday of the most awesome country that has ever existed, the U.S of A.! Yeah, we rule, we're so cool we're practically a nation of ninjas.

But keep in mind, even though America is so friggin' sweet that Jehovah-1 himself trembles in awe, tomorrow, it is doomed to crumble before the might of the X-Ists, along with the rest of the Puny Human World. While us dues-paying SubGenii are enjoying the Fulsome Favors of the Sex Goddesses, the rest of you will have your souls ground up and sold as cheap dog food on the interdimensional market. The only way to avoid this is to go to the SubGenius website and pledge thirty dollars IMMEDIATELY. Ya been warned, mortals.
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... And You May Die! Yes, it's true: 9X-Day is upon us! On July 5, 2006, The Rupture SHALL occur, and this time, Faithful Dues-Paying SubGenii really WILL be Whisked Away to the Flying Saucers of the Sex Goddesses, while the world of the Loathsome Pinks is DESTROYED. If you don't pay your Thirty Dollars to the Church of the SubGenius, you will be LEFT _BEHIND_, to suffer grotesque torments for Our Entertainment; The Morning People From Hell will be the least of your worries. If you can't pay that fee, well, I'll try to sneak a few pets aboard in my luggage, but to be honest, I'll probably be much too busy cavorting with my 72 Porn Stars to remember.
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As all Truly Evolved Beings know, the Church of the SubGenius is the ONLY religion that offers you Eternal Salvation, or Triple Your Money Back. What some may not realize, is that the Church's Hour of Slack Radio Ministry is available on the web, right here. Praise "Bob"!


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February 2013



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