The most brilliant idea I've had all day!

The Anti-Suicide-Pact. The participants, be they post-traumatic vets, emo angst-boys, or persons implicated in yet another gay republican sex scandal, make an oath: No participant is allowed to kill him/her/itself, unless all the others are already dead. Neither is any participant allowed to just stand there if one of the other attempts to kill him/her/it, they have to make at least a token attempt to put up a fight. This way, none of them off themselves, unless they hate life so much they're willing to kill an arbitrary number of their friends first. Why, it's so brilliant, it might just become a pervasive internet meme...

In other news, Jewish, Muslim, and Christian fanatics find a cause they can all agree on, Oceania never suggested invading Eastasia, We _always_ meant for Iraq to fall into chaos, Flu vaccinations are a sinister partisan ploy, Republican plan to help Democratic candidates is tragically misunderstood, and the dolphins are preparing to strike. I'd be interested in seeing how well developed the dolphin's vestigial rear limbs actually are, as most of the muscles that would have attached to them in eons past have now been co-opted to power the tail instead.

"Close your eyes and think of America"

Tomorrow, we all have an important civic duty to do. No matter how uncomfortable and degrading it might be, we owe it to future generations to go to the polls, try to relax our sphincters, and vote for the lesser evil. Get rid of the current gang of crooks and replace it with a slightly less criminal gang. If the Democrats, FOR ONCE, manage to _not_ snatch Defeat from the Jaws of Victory, hold their feet to the fire starting wednesday, and demand that they start repairing some of the damage that Shrubya has done over the past six years. Demand electoral reform, and the outlawing of black-box, impossible-to-audit-or-verify, easily hackable machines (Requiring photo ID for voters would be a nice idea too, provided free IDs are available to non-drivers, otherwise it would constitute an Unconstitutional Poll Tax). Force them to do something about gerrymandering too, when Congress has a 95% incumbency rate, something is severely wrong. Restore some of the "Pre-9/11" checks and balances, and shed a little bit of light on any secrets Shrubya doesn't want us to know (My money's on the "Bush is a Reptoid theory, but I could be wrong). Demand increased funding for the VA, as I, personally, have been waiting 2 freaking months to get some "routine" blood work done. Finally, demand that we either go to our allies with hats in hand, and admit we need to borrow about a hundred thousand more troops for Iraq, or else the country will continue to implode whether we "stay the course" or not. Finally, DEMAND TRANSPARENCY. The potential backroom criminality of politicians is more of a threat to us than any terrorists could be.