It's disturbing personal revelation time!

[chaotic_nipple]

Alas, poor Kurt Vonnegut. We knew him well, kinda. Personally, I didn't much enjoy his writing, as it was way too depressing. I read "Slaughter-house Five" and was slightly amused, but not enough to bother seeking out the rest of his work. Perhaps this makes me a bad person. But anyway, hearing about Kurt's death got me thinking of other depressing authors, which got me thinking about the time when I came closer to suicide than any other.

So not shit, there I was, in Fallujah in August 2003. I was still motivated and convinced that we were Fighting The Good Fight To Save Civilization. The stress was starting to get to me, but I was still ready to kick ass, take names, and sign autographs for the adoring Iraqi children. I was bored, though. I had already read through every book in the TOC at least once. Then, one day, one of my fellow grunts got a care package from home. In addition to a bunch of Oprah's Book Club CRAP, there was a copy of Joseph Heller's "Catch-22". I had heard of that book, and that it was suppossed to be funny, so I started to read it...

About half way through, I was seriously considering the merits of bayonet vs. 5.56 bullet. It wasn't a _bad_ book, oh no, it was very well written and evocative, full of dark humor both subtle and absurd. But it was DEPRESSING AS HELL. Definitely the wrong book to read in a war zone, when your own personal doubts have already started to surface. I haven't been able to pick up that book since, the mere though of doing so fills me with dread.

There, now everyone else should chime in!

Comments

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

Try Cat's Cradle. A very short read -- like maybe two hours. And really, really funny .

call me a heretic

[shadoutcarver.livejournal.com]

but I find Phillip K. Dick's paranoia special books to be less than uplifting.

[me666iahcomplex.livejournal.com]

Oh Dear Gawd, you didn't know what Catch-22 was when you read it whilst deployed? Eep. There was an early Matt Groening "Life In Hell" cartoon from the late 80s/early 90s on the topic of the "Steps to Manhood" and one of them was "First Realization That Everything You Have Been Taught Is A Lie" and showed Binky the Rabbit reading Catch-22.

Well, let's see what else we got in the suicide-baiting bookshelf, fiction category. I read "Shalimar The Clown" by Salman Rushdie this last year. Hey, clowns are funny, right? It's right there in the title! Must be quite a joyous romp!

[Later] Hm. Gun oil makes my mouth taste funny.

"Snow" by Orhan Pamuk.
"Childhood's End" by Arthur C. Clarke.
"Children of Men," book AND movie.
...and while we're on the subject of movies, never never never never EVER see "House of Sand and Fog" and "21 Grams" back to back, which I did when they were released in the theaters. That's the Diamond Slope of suicide-baiting. Bonus masochism points: bought the DVD of "House of Sand and Fog" because I was impressed by the acting and just how well the slow unstoppable train wreck of events were directed. Popped open the factory seal, slipped it into my DVD-ROM, and then thought, "What the fuck am I thinking? I don't want to see this!" and ejected the drive. Go see it. I recommend it. Just don't have a gun barrel in ALREADY in your mouth when you start to watch.

[entropy156.livejournal.com]

Excellent choices, all. I think I would add the following to your I-think-I-can-pull-the-shotgun-trigger-with-my-big-toe film festival:

"A Bullet in the Head". This is a fun filled romp through war-era Vietnam with a small group of close friends who head there to make their fortune in the black market. What could go wrong?

"Talk Radio" Eric Bogosian's stage play adapted into a cheerful meditation on the decline of our civilization

"Requiem for a Dream" The feel-bad movie of ever!

[chaotic-nipple.livejournal.com]

Oh Dear Gawd, you didn't know what Catch-22 was when you read it whilst deployed?

Oh, I _knew_, in a vague, intellectual sense, what the book was about. I just thought that my soul was strong enough to not shatter like a cheap bouncy ball dipped in liquid nitrogen if I read it. I thought wrong.

[blue-chicory.livejournal.com]

God, I read it after I was out and it gave me a nasty feeling in the pit of my stomache, definately DEPRESSING AS HELL.

[zloduska.livejournal.com]

Please, please don't kill yourself Mike. Who would I make fun of to make me laugh when I'm having a bad day? Who would I brow-beat about chores? Who would be my side-kick when boys make me cry? DON'T DO IT!