chaotic_nipple

Ganked from dark_christian: Bill Maher on "Persecuted Christians" and "Intelligent Design". Notice the quotes around each of those terms...

Anyway, I've changed my layout and added some links. Pharyngula is a Biologist, who doesn't suffer fools or ID-iots lightly. He's somewhat vicious at times, but since I dislike the targets of his ire anyway, this doesn't bother me. Skeptico is another science blog, though not so prolific. (Incidentally, bird lungs are way cool, when we have the technology, I want a pair)(Of lungs, you jerks!).

Left in the Heartland, Voxpopgirl, No Accuser, and the Deprogramming Starter Kit are all granola-munching lib'ruls who have linked me, so I return the favor. To think, I actually voted for Shrubya in 2000. Won't make _that_ mistake again. :-P

Operation Yellow Elephant is no longer nearly as amusing as it once was, but I still agree with the idea that the whiny b!#&h-boys (and girls) that lurk in Young Republican organizations throughout our fair lands should be encouraged to grow a collective spine and enlist. I look forward to taunting them with my dog-tags when I finally go back to school. Quite possible the only tags in the whole Army with "SubGenius" on the Religious Preference line. :-)

Iraq The Model is about as pro-American as an Iraqi blogger can get, Riverbend hates our guts and would like us all to leave immediately (Personally, I think her family were high-ranking Ba'athists, but that doesn't necessarily invalidate her observations), and the famous Salam Pax is somewhere in the middle.

I remember listening to the news back during the initial invasion, and Salam Pax was the subject of much speculation. Various right-wing twits claimed he couldn't possibly be a real Iraqi, as his English was too good. Boy, I bet they felt embarrassed when he appeared on TV a few months later (Oh, wait, that's assuming they can _be_ embarrassed by mere facts). Now the same twits are making the same accusations about Riverbend. This time they have slightly more justification, as she is extremely careful in guarding her real identity, and her english is almost perfect. Better than most of the whackjobs that post on Free Republic and Little Green Footballs, anyway. Personally, I believe her when she claims to be an Iraqi, and it's perfectly sensible for her to hide her identity, what with the allegations that the current Iraqi government is disappearing critics, to say nothing of all the other thugs running around. First off, her knowledge of Iraqi culture and current events jibes perfectly with both my training and personal experience. Second, on those occasions when she posts something in Arabic, it's also flawless; and finally, because all the OTHER Iraqi bloggers think she's legit, even the ones who disagree with her vehemently.

There's was another blog I really would have liked to link too, before I figured out he was a fraud. A guy who goes by the handle "The Religious Policeman" claims to be a Saudi Arab. His knowledge of Arabic culture and society in general seems pretty good, though I'm not completely familiar with Saudi specifically. His posts are pretty funny too. But on those few occasions when he's said something in Arabic, he's made egregious mistakes. Things like putting extra letters in words, or assuming the name 'Farah' belonged to a man. It soon became obvious that he doesn't speak Arabic, which means he's a damned liar. Of course, the same right-wing bloggers who insist Riverbend is a fake will vigorously defend _his_ claimed identity. To quote Kim Jong Il in Team America: "Why are preople so f*()ing stupid"? Sigh...

Finally, John Scalzi, Charles Stross, and Cory Doctorow are newish science fiction authors of a transhumanistic bent. Both Scalzi and Stross have free books online, and all of Doctorow's works are available under a Creative Commons license. Strangely, this doesn't seem to have hurt their sales any.

First, they tell the world that Pat was a hippy liberal and a damned atheist, and now they go and publically question the Administration's honesty? This insult to Dear Leader Bush cannot be borne! We must mobilize the Elite Smear Squad immediately! Are the Swifties doing anything right now?

All sarcasm aside, good for them. It's pretty obvious that it was no accident that his tragic friendly fire death was deliberately misrepresented as a heroic engagement with the enemy, and there's no way in hell that this was done without the connivance of _someone_ high up in the administration. The Pentagon wouldn't be stupid enough to do it without permission, though I suppose it's barely possible that that permission didn't come from Bush himself.

On another note, I, personally, think that an atheist who joins the Army, or otherwise puts their life at risk for the sake of something they believe in, is a hell of a lot braver than a religious person who does the same. The religious person, after all, hopes for a reward in the afterlife. That's just my opinion.

I figured today was a good day to unscreen a long-ass entry that I wrote, and marked "private", lo, many months ago. The reason for said privacy is that I didn't want to get shut down, as so many military folk have had their blogs shut down for criticizing Dear Leader Bush and his Glorious Administration. Since that's not as big a concern now, what with me being 3 months away from freedom, I may as well unscreen it. Here goes:

Originally titled: Bob: Yet another post to unscreen if I die!

Why I joined the Army: For a variety of reasons: Patriotism, a desire for adventure, money for college, etc, but mainly because I wasn't doing much else at that particular moment. A more common reason than you might think. When my first enlistment was up, I got out, and never thought I'd ever be tempted to go back in.

Then Septemeber 11th happened. I felt it was my duty to join back up and defend America from the Barbarian Hordes. I expected that I'd get deployed to Afghanistan, where we would rebuild the country into a secular democracy, based on our own Enlightenment ideals, with freedom for all and oppression for none. I was all afire with patriotic fervor, I just _knew_ with all my heart that we were making history. Incidentally, I was also closer to being a Republican than ever before, or since.

We got the word that we were preparing to go to Iraq. If Saddam didn't give up his Weapons of Mass Destruction, we were gonna take 'em from him. If the rest of the world didn't like it, tough on them; we were the GOOD GUYS. Whenever anyone pointed out holes in the 'evidence' that was presented, I argued that the President must know more, but he couldn't tell us for security reasons. Surely he wouldn't _LIE_ about the quality of evidence that he had; people would find out and he'd be finished. Oh, for the lost naivete of yesteryear!

We got to Kuwait. We trained harder than ever before. We showed the world that yes, we can go through the Best Army in the Middle East (not counting Israel, they'd probably kick our asses, if only because they've had a lot more practice) like a hot knife through butter, with ridiculously few casualties, and with half the troops that conventional doctrine said would be needed. Yeah, we were Bad Ass.

Then came the actual occupation, and we saw first hand the fatal flaw of the "Shock and Awe", technology-as-a-force-multiplier doctrine: It doesn't actually multiply the number of boots on the ground. Yes, we could destroy an Army far quicker and more thoroughly than anyone expected, but we could not maintain control of the population with as few troops as we brought in. Every pre-war briefing we had ended with the words: "...and then, transition to SASO*". We always assumed that that meant we'd be briefed on the rest of "The Plan" once the fighting was taken care of. Little did we realize that those three words were the entirity of "The Plan", with the unspoken hope that "The Iraqi people will welcome us with open arms and happy blowjobs, and foreign investment will come rolling in once all government services are privatized" left as an exercise in inference.

We probably _could_ have immediately imposed order on the cities, if our leaders had actually had a workable occupation strategy. We'd have taken a lot of casualties, but almost certainly less than the current figure. Instead, we holed up in relative safety, and let the country fall into total anarchy. Then, once a semblance of order returned, the head of the Provisional Government did the most unimaginably stupid thing possible: He fired the entire Iraqi Army. And almost everyone else in the government.

Suddenly, hundreds of thousands of Iraqis who had comfortable jobs were penniless, including almost eveyone with command experience. How that idiot thought that this was a good move is beyond me. Worse, since we didn't have the troops to secure all of Saddam's conventional weapons, they could drive into any of a hundred abandoned bases and go home with a truckful of RPGS, Mortars, and AKs. That's when the IEDs and ambushes started.**

(continued in first comment)

"Yeah, you can expect a sudden and dramatic surge of camel-tipping related violence in about 2 weeks. Not that I care, 'cause I won't be here. Did I say that out loud?"

Ah, the heartbreak that is 'Short-Timers Disease'. 11 months ago we saw what a horrific effect it had on our predecessors; Now, we ourselves writhe within its grasp. For your edification and enlightenment, here's a quick rundown on the sypmtoms:

1. Inability to remember all that stuff they drilled into you when you first got here, dramatically demonstrated by repeated use of the phrase "Or something like that, you'll figure it out" in briefings to your replacements.
2. Absolute lack of empathy for said replacements. "Yeah, your CHU will probably leak when it rains. And you may catch leprosy from the locally employed persons. Several of your close friends will die of Spontaneous Cumbustion. You'll live. Or not."
3. Difficulty concentrating on anything for more than... what was I saying?
4. Random drooling at the thought of the wonderful food you will shortly consume.
5. Difficulty seeing due to stars in eyes.
6. Tightness in the chest or difficulty in breathing, caused by constant giggling.
7. Spastic twitching while singing "I'm goin' home, I'm goin' home..."
8. Stomach cramps and neausea at the merest thought of having to endure even one more chow hall meal.
9. Heart racing as the blessed plane-ride home gets ever closer...

This has been a public service announcement. :-)

I'm fairly certain that KBR has a written policy that all food must be marinated in lard before cooking. Even things that shouldn't _be_ greasy manage to be. The _oatmeal_ has an oily sheen on it. I wonder, does their contract specify that they get paid by the calory?

I knew these guys. Not well enough to call them 'friends', but we joked around whenever we ran into eachother. Nahvi was just a kid. I'm glad Hagood survived, at least, I'll have to look him up when we get back.

Two significant thangs happened today: First, I had my pre-redeployment 'combat stress' screening. I managed to convince the relevant people that I am _not_ a threat to society, and I do not need to be kept under constant watch when we get home, leaving me free to work on my plans for bloody revenge in peace. Second, we had to clean our 'house', in preparation for a Sergeant Major's inspection. During the course of this momentous endeavor, I was reminded yet again why I hate smokers. Well, not all smokers, just the *(&^)ers who throw their filthy butts on the ground. Someday, when I am an Insane DemiGod, I shall track down the dropper of every cigarette butt that I've ever had to pick up, and break one finger for each offense. Then I'll go establish an island Utopia or something.

Spelling counts. That graffiti that was supposed to read "We triumph over you" really read "We triumph over the chicken coop". Not exactly the most noteworthy accomplishment to brag of. Feel free to come by the FOB, I'd be glad to tutor you...

Update: Turns out it was really the name of an Iraqi singer. I guess this is why we have native speakers working for us. Still, I liked my version better. "Deputy Dan has no friends"...

I just saw a Postal Detachment humvee with the motto "Expect no mercy" on the windshield. I suppose it _could_ have been meant ironically. :-/ Back in OIF1, my team's motto was "Inconvenience the Enemy!", we knew what was what...

We used White Phosporus as an anti-personnel weapon in Fallujah after all. Of course the Pentagon had to deny it first, just in case there are one or two people out there who still actually trust anything our current administration says.

FWIW, I, personally, don't really object to using incendiary weapons against enemy troops. The whole point of going into battle is to kill the other side and keep killing them until the survivors surrender. The more casualities you can inflict in a given amount of time, the quicker they'll surrender, and, hopefully, the more they'll think about it before shooting at you the next time. Using any indiscriminate weapon in a area heavily populated with civilians is a bad idea, for publicity reasons if nothing else, but I don't think incendiary weapons are uniquely "evil" in that regard (Unlike, say Depleted Uranium, which really should be banned as a chemical weapon).

The real problem here is, don't those morons in Washington realize that lying about something that's so easily checked on is a bad idea? Granted, the average American voter has the attention span of a gnat, and will fall for just about any fabrication provided you say it with enough conviction; They'll have forgotten this little bit of chicanery within the week. But, that creaking sound you hear? That's a little bit more of what little credibility we still had with the international community, shuffling off this mortal coil.